Apr 8, 2010
Posted by Victoria in Stuff Stuff | 0 Comments
Sad French Chorus Girl No More!
As always, I'm grateful for friends. This winter I got myself way off track. I had varicose vein surgery that I thought would be a breeze but ended up being 100% more painful and longer to recuperate from than I had expected. The surgery took longer, the scars were bigger, the follow up injections were way more painful. I had to wear itchy compression hose for three months. I saved the earth a lot of water by having to take sponge baths. I amused myself in my stinky and scratchy black hose by pretending that I was a French chorus girl. By the end of three months no amount of perfume or "chorus girl" showers could hide the ick
iness I felt. This was also an ill timed break from my gym routine and feeling depressed I indulged heavily in holiday baking. I isolated my self, the negative self chatter started to creep back. I stopped writing or doing anything creative. Strangely this behaviour didn't exactly en dear me to my friends and family. Basically I had a gigantic pity party which wasn't very fun.
I finalised my divorce, which I was looking forward to doing but hit me harder than I had expected. The eternal optimist in me makes me prone to disappointments. I should learn to expect nothing and to project nothing onto life. Except this flies in the face of Nan's advice to stay positive. Still we learn much from failures and disappointments. Okay universe give someone else the lesson- I get it! Giving someone a longed for status and then having it taken away is a shock to the ego. Who are you, when who you have defined yourself around goes away? It is like a death the stages of grieving are the same. My plan to take two years to totally revamp myself has had its own hurdles. Perhaps that was an unrealistic time line? Being forced to stop and think gave me time to as Johnny Cash, wrote "untangle my mind". But you do have to put an end to the looking back and start to look forward again.
I had committed to starting this website earlier. I loathed the thought of a website for myself. My lovely web mistress at Kvetchco transferred my old blog, to seed this new site. I hated to look at it as I was twenty pounds heavier and way more depressed than in last year's blog posts and it's pictures. I cursed ever starting the first blog and my perceived self indulgence of a website for me. It also reminded me of the friend who had encouraged me to start the blog, whom I had lost contact with. I really missed that friend the most. That loss of friendship smarted the most too as I felt like a right royal sh*#t. Oh you can imagine how jolly fun that perceived loss was.
Here comes the uplifting bit I promise! The tights and mummy bandage wrapped legs came off and my legs looked like I'd been attacked with a bag of hammers. At least I was free! I joined my Mom's gym up the street and got back in to a good exercise plan and good eating habits again. I added some new goals to my list. I got a haircut and was feeling much improved. I even started getting out and enjoying the rest of a dim February. I signed up to do a comedy class since laughter is the best medicine, unless you need actual medicine that is. I started writing again and doing some visualisation exercises. I figured out this site a bit, and figured out Twitter and social media a bit. I'm going to write for a e-magazine coming this spring too! And the best news ever is that I reconnected to the world and people actually want to be around me again.
I wished I had a friend my own age to hang out with, and that came to me too. I wished that work would go more smoothly, and that started to calm down too. But you know the old joke, about the person who keeps praying to win the lottery and finally God says I'd love to help you but you have to buy the lottery ticket. Nothing good that happened came from just my wishing and hoping, I had to take action. Changing to a positive mindset, telling a few jokes and sharing myself with others more freely, through daily actions had brought me out of a rut. As always all growth comes with growing pains. My legs look great now and I still have ten pounds to lose. I'm out of a bad marriage but I'm so much stronger now.
So sorry, for the blog interruption and sorry if my withdrawing from life was beguiling or annoying or anything. I'm grateful for new friends and old friends. Here is looking forwards to new adventures in life.
Love, Victoria
iness I felt. This was also an ill timed break from my gym routine and feeling depressed I indulged heavily in holiday baking. I isolated my self, the negative self chatter started to creep back. I stopped writing or doing anything creative. Strangely this behaviour didn't exactly en dear me to my friends and family. Basically I had a gigantic pity party which wasn't very fun.I finalised my divorce, which I was looking forward to doing but hit me harder than I had expected. The eternal optimist in me makes me prone to disappointments. I should learn to expect nothing and to project nothing onto life. Except this flies in the face of Nan's advice to stay positive. Still we learn much from failures and disappointments. Okay universe give someone else the lesson- I get it! Giving someone a longed for status and then having it taken away is a shock to the ego. Who are you, when who you have defined yourself around goes away? It is like a death the stages of grieving are the same. My plan to take two years to totally revamp myself has had its own hurdles. Perhaps that was an unrealistic time line? Being forced to stop and think gave me time to as Johnny Cash, wrote "untangle my mind". But you do have to put an end to the looking back and start to look forward again.
I had committed to starting this website earlier. I loathed the thought of a website for myself. My lovely web mistress at Kvetchco transferred my old blog, to seed this new site. I hated to look at it as I was twenty pounds heavier and way more depressed than in last year's blog posts and it's pictures. I cursed ever starting the first blog and my perceived self indulgence of a website for me. It also reminded me of the friend who had encouraged me to start the blog, whom I had lost contact with. I really missed that friend the most. That loss of friendship smarted the most too as I felt like a right royal sh*#t. Oh you can imagine how jolly fun that perceived loss was.
Here comes the uplifting bit I promise! The tights and mummy bandage wrapped legs came off and my legs looked like I'd been attacked with a bag of hammers. At least I was free! I joined my Mom's gym up the street and got back in to a good exercise plan and good eating habits again. I added some new goals to my list. I got a haircut and was feeling much improved. I even started getting out and enjoying the rest of a dim February. I signed up to do a comedy class since laughter is the best medicine, unless you need actual medicine that is. I started writing again and doing some visualisation exercises. I figured out this site a bit, and figured out Twitter and social media a bit. I'm going to write for a e-magazine coming this spring too! And the best news ever is that I reconnected to the world and people actually want to be around me again.
I wished I had a friend my own age to hang out with, and that came to me too. I wished that work would go more smoothly, and that started to calm down too. But you know the old joke, about the person who keeps praying to win the lottery and finally God says I'd love to help you but you have to buy the lottery ticket. Nothing good that happened came from just my wishing and hoping, I had to take action. Changing to a positive mindset, telling a few jokes and sharing myself with others more freely, through daily actions had brought me out of a rut. As always all growth comes with growing pains. My legs look great now and I still have ten pounds to lose. I'm out of a bad marriage but I'm so much stronger now.
So sorry, for the blog interruption and sorry if my withdrawing from life was beguiling or annoying or anything. I'm grateful for new friends and old friends. Here is looking forwards to new adventures in life.
Love, Victoria
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